Why have I not posted, these past few days? C’os I went through an emotional roller-coaster.Cos I am scared, hurt but positive at the same time…yes all at once. I am in a state of emotional melt like never before and I am scared to share it for once.
I suddenly believe in the bad luck that boasting or happiness attracts, I am scared of losing my talent like Rembrandt; I crave passion, I need to live LIVE LIVE …if only my insides didn’t feel like jelly.I CANT discuss the why’s and wherefores…OH! simply because who knows who is reading and no I haven’t been up to anything naughty; never am these days!
I need to fit into size 10 jeans and pillion ride a jet ski…I need to have a conversation, an unbridled, crazy, conversation with someone with a vulgar IQ. I need to write the book that has been with me for 15 years but that book emanates out of emotions that I no longer feel…do I even feel? God knows…I guess I shall write it, only it shall be a book of today’s emotions, today’s learnings…the setting is dark macabre…even the darkest in me now has a zero watt light bulb..what to do; I don’t know what shall come out but I shall try and live the darkness…Three months my friend says, give it three months and we shall have a classic…I so wish to believe him…maybe I should give myself a personal 100 day nano…where I just clock the progress…number of words, good bad or disjointed.
Talking about filling in words, this post is sounding like as a friend puts it, “like disjointed sentences after a bad acid trip”. Well sadly or happily have never had an acid trip of any kind but knowing him, guess can trust his word..the optimist in me calls it Joyce-like…naa he is madder and genius…I am a sad, watered-down wannabe, with a disjointed but fervorless narrative style but then life…as I said has never been steady for me…I am new everyday…a new woman every 100 days…till she is rebranded yet again!