A 100 days to a new me : Day 55, check the video link

http://www.jibjab.com/view/5bbEteR7VKIXRoOFZkwM

The day started in the morning, I with this song that has my face pasted on it..it is MM’s doing! Sweet of him, really when I am down in the pits he has this uncanny ability of doing something nice.Today was about working, doing loads of work actually getting none done. I hate my current diet; it sucks and makes me feel extremely weak but if I don’t follow through, my conscience nags and then I have these pants that I was getting into last year and one the year before that…

The day was again a struggle for energy, all I could find was energy for some phone calls; I don’t know how much I would be able to help my friend but ironically I know the ropes the promoting my book now and even more ironically, am bookless! I mean to start work but you can see my project rebranding me has gone for a six. I am rebranding me all wrong…

The good thing about yesterday was I meet this friend, well she is 14 years younger than me! but we get along, she is intense and nice and in a mess.I wonder whether I would ever be in her position, maybe at her age, maybe when I was 20 something…she is risking it all for love…being reckless…I am concerned but am proud of her, envy her. Don’t get me wrong, I think the guy she is with is so so wonderful but the circumstances around them are not.

Would I do it, maybe not anymore. Have I done it, Oh Yes! Can I again, I guess.. I don’t know.Can I this minute…no. For me love now is not reckless, not something that I can go into abandon with…I need to be sure not only of me but the fact that it is a relationship that does not drive me away from my family…maybe I am not hungry enough for it, there is this huge feeling of disconnect.

Another challenge is I was talking to this friend of mine; we talked after days and he wants to meet the ‘new’ me…Now that is pressure! There is no new me to show, what do I do? Guess just keep moving forward…nothing more, nothing less…So I am taking stock again, taking charge and let’s see how it works…actually it’s baby steps all over again, let’s see how it goes 🙂

 

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