A 100 days to a new me: Day 42, trimming relationships

Day 41 was about not taking nonsense.Slowly and steadily I shut the ‘not necessary’ people out of my life. People who are there for any other reason but that they are friends, or family or plain like me.

I did away with people with whom my relationship seemed like a weighing scale…how important is she to me? How important is she likely to be. One of my most cherished moments was when Rakesh ji, called me the other day. Rakesh ji was the office boy in the office I had left two years ago. He was from a good family, very soft, two daughters who he had just married off.  A genteel man from a genteel family who had fallen upon tough times. My relationship with him was one of mutual respect and love, no expectations, nothing to be gained from either side. That he called me after years, says for a lot. He is now in his home town in the mountain state of Uttranchal and is setting up a whole world. There is nothing anyone can do for one…he called me because he wanted me to share his happiness, his pride and I did…I DID!

There was this reverse case, a person I thought was a friend…and I have seen this trend twice, every time the person feels that I am acting needy, he starts acting pricey. Well if I am depressed and sharing it does not mean I am asking you for something. If I ask you a question, does not mean I have a hidden motive! Me and hidden….now that’s an oxymoron if one ever heard one…It hurt, I was miffed, upset and a tad disappointed. This was someone I had known long, someone I trusted and someone I had no pretences with…NONE. So I ask a simple question, and he acts as I am all over him…I said to him that if I wanted/needed something I would tell him in as many words…seems he took offence…too bad! I also hate it if someone is sparing my feelings, I would rather have the brutal truth…it helps my case…molly coddling does not!

I hate counting, I don’t do that…I called…did he/ she call back but maybe I should. I live in a world governed by laws of the ego, do I not? I met a relationship therapist once, very sweet lady…and she said that acting pricey was important in relationships. The belief goes against my grain, it goes against who I am and what I believe in. I have been known to let people gloat, just because they cannot handle the truth…which is the reverse. In short, I have eaten pretend humble pie, to spare people’s feelings. Am I overtly secure, overtly philanthropic or plain stupid? I don’t know…I don’t want to change it…so what’s the happy middle…the solution?

Well I just, in more ways than one, cut contact with people who were in my life for any other reason that they wanted to be there and vice versa. It is against the rules of corporate culture…it is against networking; it is against “the way of the world.”It needs to be done in the professional world, there are no real friends or enemies there…it’s all a matter of position(ing)  But  when it comes to my personal life I want unconditional relationships, given a chance I shall also  and if I can’t get them, I am already a self-confessed recluse am I not…

 

 

 

 

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