A 100 days to a new me: Day 37, celebrating the lack of romance

Today, a few things happened but I think the most interesting was me going out to watch a movie with my Sis in Law.The movie was in Hindi and called ‘Queen’ , just the literal translation of the female protagonist’s name.

It the coming of age movie of a small town girl (in the mind). The film shows how the loss of romantic love, rather being dumped at the altar, becomes the most liberating experience of her life. It talks of experiences, of friendships that transcend colour/ethnicity/ for that matter barriers of moral righteousness. It was a film about celebrating heartfelt emotions and liberation.It resonated.

Coincidently I just opened this book I had picked about fifteen years ago, on relationship advice.It’s blue with red lettering and says Hot Relationships and the author is Tracey Cox. I opened a page at random (first time I took it off the shelf; the other is Odyssey, which I have tucked back in after exactly five minutes, after every attempt at reading it)…anyway and the page asked if I one was ready for a relationship.The questions went something to the tune of ..

.1.Are you getting on with your life??… Oh! Yeah Sure!

2.You’ve got loads of friends…male and female…loads maybe not, great ones, yes thank you.

3.You’re happy at work or have plans…aye aye,

4.You have set financial, emotional and intellectual goals… hmm sure, some…

5. You have accepted responsibility for your own happiness… of course for that matter sadness too!

6 .You’re pretty happy with who you are …umm I guess, I and me are …wait I would say in these almost 40 days… have become friends.

7. Your self esteem is in good shape…good?? at times feels like bravado! too good to be true;)

8. You’re not afraid to take risks and live with the results…ha ha that’s my life story dearest Ms. Cox

9. You’re completely over your exes!…who??

10. You feel in charge of your life…well mostly and at times life feels in charge of me, between us we manage well, thanks.

11. You listen to advice people give you, but eventually listen to your own judgement… Ha ha! don’t we all! I hate when my mom does it to me, especially when it comes to party dinner menus!

12. You’eve discovered lots of positive things about being single…read on that’s what the blog post is about..

13. A relationship isn’t the goal of your life but an added bonus…It is important to me, but no, life does not stop being beautiful

14. you don’t want a partner, you want the right partner for the real you…you hit the nail on the head.

15. You don’t want them to love you, you want them to love you for who you really are…the Mr. in the first pre-condition does not even need me, cos he is simply in love with the idea of love…

16.You’re confident enough to be yourself, if being you doesn’t appeal to him, would not have worked anyway…Ah! California…Oh you are so absolutely right!

So while I needed to get only 13 ayes, I have got all 16!. It also made me realise, I did not need a man in my life to be happy! That is what the movie said too.

Do not get me wrong, there are times loneliness hits us all! There are a lot of times loneliness hits.However, the idea is having meaningful relationships in our life and they do not have to be romantic. I do want to go to that beautiful beach hotel, in Langkawi, that I have somehow set my heart upon but even if it is with my favourite cousin of mine; she and I just hanging around drinking sweet cocktails or water skiing…is as beautiful.We have done Europe together!

Would I like to be serenaded  to the tune Unforgettable, on  a white sand beach that touches upon a turquoise blue ocean, just as the sun sets.  Are you mad?? Of course! Absolutely! Who would not?

But it is not my entire life, I am also happy talking to the sun, wishing it a happy dip in the ocean as I listen to the incredible Billy Stewart’s ‘Summertime’ playing in the background.

A lot of us have actually felt liberated out of bad relationships, it’s as if you’re ready to embrace life full on, you just feel reborn! You do! You do need the ocassional someone to hug you and say it’s okay. You need to have at least one number on your phone you can call at 3 am in the morning and say, “I just need to talk.”, and it does not need to be your love interest.

The poignant moments, in the movie, did not come from her fiance dumping her, but from simple acts of kindness by friends; from a liberating, unconditional love that was formed on the basis of just that love. The currency was unmitigated love, given and received.

The love of God, the love of friends, of family and sometimes that arises out of …is almost that kind of love.

I do not say, there would not be times you would not feel that gap, I just say it is not the be end of life and that, at times the lack of it is actually liberating – actually a cause to celebrate!  So whatever , wherever, howsoever life is; rejoice,celebrate!

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