A 100 days to a new life : Day 35; it’s all in the paradoxes

An ultimate video about paradoxes in physics. Some of these, I had the privilege of hearing the charismatic physicist Jim-Al Khalili  explain at the Jaipur Lit Fest; this video is even more than his session. Since my blog is so anti-scientific I quite like the symbolic paradox of having an embeded post on paradoxes on physics about the much lesser paradoxes in my life!

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I have this friend of mine I hate. Is that an implied oxymoron? Well this whole equation that we have is rather paradoxical in its very existence.

We started out hating each other, actually by exchanging insults. However, the banter is so intelligently insulting that it’s actually uplifting. You’re on the edge, at your sharpest, waiting for the next punch/pinch. You have to match it in degree and expression and hopefully surpass it. It is not easy, trust me but then that’s the best thing about it.

I appreciate this person for his irreverentiality and the lack of a butter won’t melt in my mouth attitude. I trust him so much more than someone who is ultra sweet on my face and thinking of just how superior he is or I that I am a poor somebody who needed to be consoled and treated like a metaphorical candy floss…like fluff!

The ‘ I am better than you’, are even worse than the ones who have sugar cubes instead of brain cells or are they Splenda tablets? I can love them but then I also love the quite insipid Vanilla ice-cream just because it is cool and sweet even if a bit lacking in character. I can’t suffer fools, they bore me but I cannot absolutely bear a pompous one.

Now here is another paradox. Whatever I may say that in the retrospect and somewhat for effect; I am incapable of disliking people. I love everybody. Everybody; I genuinely do!

All of you who are my friends, everybody who is reading this with a smile, and everybody who is judging me. In fact everybody who has touched my life in anyway. Mostly I insulate myself from that feeling but behind it all,  I am the original mush head. The only place that I draw the line, rather where the line draws itself,  is with people who betray my trust. Forgiveness is a trait I need to learn. I don’t forgive eventually, no I don’t.

I have discussed in a past post that I don’t forgive myself, but I just realized I just do not forgive period ! It is yet another paradox I have in life in a convulated sort of way. Maybe because I love without reservation, I expect. If not from the person, then from life or in a long winded way from God for it to have ‘good’ repercussions. A betrayal of trust is the antithesis this rosy coloured view I have of the world, a world where good begets good.

Since the post today seems to have come down to paradoxes today, one paradox that bothers me is that I cannot channelize my love of God into religion. I love but when I am regular in my prayers; it takes away the uncertainty that keeps me grateful. When I pray, I am deep down in a way cocky, proud and demanding. The very process that preaches humility, takes it away. I do not know of a resolution.

No I am not finished yet; there is the whole thing about becoming a writer. As soon as I declare my intent to become a  writer; there  comes this whole spate of writing work which actually stops me from writing what I want to and live what I write. And the biggest paradox as far as the ugly side of publishing /writing goes. If you really want to be a read writer ie a writer who is read after he is somehow published. Stop writing; focus on marketing!!

And now the surprise paradox, while because I posted this post because I can’t of anything to say;  (because I can’t say what transpired (bound by a promise); and anyway would not have said it. Might as well tell you, there are things that I, on rare occasions, do not say.); so while this post is a post that is a resultant of avoiding to post, it still qualifies as one!

Hope to post a real one tomorrow and I do remember I have to post two posts, from the past, tomorrow. Now that sentence has no paradox but potential of onomatopoeia. Anyway this blog is about rebranding me and not reinventing…in a bad sort of way…the English language, so long…

P.S.: The biggest paradox ever, I am a writer and I write, some people say readably well, but when it comes to saying something really right and well meaning; I end up sounding the exact opposite of what I mean. I am sorry MM!…I meant it all in a good way and ended up sounding like a hot air balloon!Well am all deflated now, please accept my apology!

 

 

 

 

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One thought on “A 100 days to a new life : Day 35; it’s all in the paradoxes

  1. We are often tired of hitting countless paradoxes in life. And why? Because what we experience and what we expect run like a pair of skew lines. There comes this paradox of Zeno. I too love this one. And do you know where the catch is?
    The catch is at our denial to infinity.
    Why isn’t a movement possible? Because any distance can be broken into two, however small the distance is. Hence, a gap can actually be broken into infinite steps. And how can an object overcome the infinite? No? But there is the catch. Infinite exists and we can overcome the infinite…that’s it.

    Liked by 1 person

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