The day started with another phone call.It addressed a lot of my doubts; we loved the same songs.It seemed more welcoming than the last, but how did I feel? I had told this person he was going through an approach avoidance conflict as long as I was concerned. Let me explain what that means, a person has two options and he is bang in the centre; he is like a pendulum…when he goes to option A, he sees the negatives of A and positives of B, when he goes to option B, he sees the positives of A and negatives of B. Basically, he is at an impasse of sorts. I am myself in the same situation.There are two/three positives…a whole lot of negatives, should I just go for the positives because they are extremely hard to find? The main thing was that I had a very challenging pre-condition which everybody said “Yes” to but very few actually realise the dynamics of it. So that’s that.
As tomorrow is a big day, everything is mayhem…there is a sense of excitement, as tomorrow is a big day.
It ‘s time to go to the doctor, it is long overdue and he is very happy with my progress and gives me a thumbs up on most things.He did tell me one thing, which I had realised a few days back, I need a time map and along with a prioritization of all activities. It was a reiteration of what was already on my mind, so as I said…post 15th.Another good thing, he declared me depression free and we modified the medicines in such a way, that coupled with relaxation exercises, I would be depression free for life in 3-5 months.
He also gave me a very objective view of the newest development in my life, all he said was let it breathe…give it time, do not take a hasty decision. He also said something we all should take stock of… Make sure your need does not govern your judgement, loneliness is like a bad trip and every respite is a good one. I, as you may have noticed, am an expert at objectively assessing my life situation; including my own psyche… Ironic though that even though I am my own psyche’s watch-dog, I fall prey to it ;).
So I was acutely aware of the fact before the doc put it across a little less articulately, and won’t make that mistake. I am, now, too ‘sane’ for that and that is a good thing! Oh! and the doc , rather his wife who is the occupational therapist, had read my piece of flash fiction and was impressed. He also offered me the number of a few editors. Soon doc…soon :). I promise you, he just is the best doctor ever!
I am making hay while the sun shines, so as I already said, I am eating till the 15th; post that back to living on sunshine and warm water. My walks need to be regulated.I am still somehow removed from Gurbani… (my prayers), as I said tomorrow shall change it all.
I finally cooked yesterday, it is normally a bi-annual event or maybe the reverse I think, once every six months..I cant remember the term, so I shall invent one : quadra-bi-annual..four times in two years. At one time it used t be a sign of being in love for me but since that does not happen much anymore… this time it was because I could not handle my cook’s regular chicken-curry rice. So I copied Sanjeev Kapoor’s Patiala Chicken recipe… named after my home town. Luckily, it smells nothing like Patiala (Patiala smells really bad) and is extremely aromatic but sadly tastes like Patiala municipality’s annual achievements ie NOTHING. It is all smell n no taste!The good thing is, while it does not taste good, it does not taste bad either ;). Anyway I know the flaw now, so the next time it shall smell good AND taste good!
So I sleep in time for a change, tomorrow is a new day in more than one way.