A 100 days to a new me: Day 23, washed out!

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The day started on a rather strange note, with my mom’s cousin’s call. She was trying to fix me up with this “really nice guy”! Seems this rebranding challenge is taking a completely unexpected turn. I remember a show on television called find a husband in 21 days!, this going even faster!

Well ten minutes later, the actually nice guy called. It was a loooong conversation. About reality, about life, about where we were in life and where we ought to be! It was a happy conversation but also something that set me thinking. Go and settle in the US at my age?, that too when I was settling in a new career…I don’t know…The challenge was it got me thinking about life per se. I was finally starting to come to terms with the fact that my calling was writing, this is what I planned to do, this is who I planned to be. Where does a new start fit in? Is this change going to be too radical?

I had already made peace with peanuts (that’s all you get to make I hear), these were the nascent days of romance, with my love…I would be struggling to wrap around a completely new system…am I equipped? These questions had strangely not come up with MM, he had seemed less intimidating…again I am just wondering, there is no ‘extra-reading’ required here.

Was it because this person had a standard of life, life not living… that was difficult to match up to? He had grown up focused, doing everything right, I had grown up rosy eyed, failing at every step…He was of the soil, the earth, I was ephemeral …of air, something of a soap bubble. Was I even meant to live a real life?…I have somehow surfed through life, waves have washed over  me but I am just the same, maybe a little saltier till my next shower! I have often felt that I have moon-walked through life.

Was it a sign for me to finally wake up? Or I have already done the waking up… I think I shall let life take the lead on this one …I am not going to let it rock my easy chair! Life has anywaysbeen better at surprising me,than I am at anticipating it…I shall cross the bridge when I come to it.

Most of the day went in retrospection; I just swam through the day or was it surfed? I need to get down to serious work, I have deadlines! I need a jolt but that’s post  15th, right now I am preparing for something special…

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I can’t remember anything of yesterday! I remember the four hour long call from CA which had me confused. I remember my niece coming out of her English exam, not the happiest.I remember feeling guilty, a tad disappointed but ensuring it does not show through, I remember me and my sis in law gorging on cake…caught again!, I remember my younger niece coming home with her rouged three n a half year old cheeks, in a shiny white dress with fluorescent polka dots and a matching head band. It was her annual day performance; only parents could attend. It is at moments like this life pinches at times…but no complaints, much more to be thankful about.

I finally posted the next meet up, I called up someone regarding a business opportunity, I waited for a promised phone call…I vegetated, the pressure of non-performance is now hitting/haunting. I need to literally pull up my socks…there is just one more day to when I have no excuses…till then I shall revel in whatever brand I am this minute…

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