A 100 days to a new me : Day 16 what was, what is and que sera sera

Please click on this link and let the song play as you read on…

Fifteen days are over. Fifteen days of going forward, slipping back, and staying static. Fifteen days of excitement, of the promise of love… of the backing out of that promise. Days of confidence, of doubts, of achievements, of failures… of dieting and cheating… Most of all, it has been fifteen days of revelations… about me and mine.

It has been fifteen days of living the Kim Kardashian life, in full public view. While I regret a few moments in the posts, the open letter to MM… I felt even though he was anonymous, I should not have mentioned him. I revealed a little more than what was solely mine.

The empath post, I feel it was written on a particularly bad day… in a bad moment, I am not sorry for my gift, I am thankful for those moments of empathy… but I felt stripped of energy.

My mention of the Brad Pitt/ Eric Bana fusion, I do think he is an amazingly sensitive person, and I am humbled by his feelings, his ability to feel. For that matter, IIM-IIT also has some redeeming features (but you have to look really hard).

I also regret talking about people who I felt have dropped me, I maybe over-reacting; and it is their choice. I am thankful for whatever few I have left with, cos those are real gems… the only ones anyone anyway needs. I read an article about this woman who was un-friended by 103 of her friends, after she posted pictures of her mastectomy .I feel blessed, I have had more embraces than push-aways… way way more.

What I regret in those posts is, that at times the writer in me, overcomes the understanding, empathetic human that I was so proud to be. At times the demand of the piece or tone I am writing makes me harsher and ‘bitchier’ than I actually am. These are the moments when I question, whether I am selling I am selling my soul. Talking about me is okay, but those brushing my life…I am not sure, I don’t know how to overcome this challenge. It is strange how an autobiographical piece, alters, even if to a small degree, the very character of your soul. How the writer is removed from the person that you are, well at least a small part of it for that period.

A quick review of the good and the bad, the achievements and failures of this process:

Diet: I am following a watered down version but have lost about 3 kilos.

Walk: It’s on, it’s off… let’s say I give myself a 65% score, I had a break but am back on track.

Water: Have increased my intake by 25 to 30%, result is around 8 glasses of warm water a day.

Medicines…92%

Relaxation exercises …0%

Praying …40%, there seems to be a turn for the better, but miles to go…

In this rebranding challenge, I think the biggest change has been in my writing schedule, which give me a sense of discipline, a sense of achievement and a sense of purpose all at once. I see beyond despondency, I see the hope of leaving a legacy. I am finally a writer.

The joy I get out of writing is a huge compensation for the truck-loads of restrictions or tradeoffs I have to make. The sheer discipline of daily posting has drawn me out of my writer’s block and I move forward towards my book of stories that are a hundred words or less, including the title…

 I have even made a new blog for all that it is within me but not within the format of this blog, it is the change and not of the change…Do visit gurpreetksekhon.wordpress.com, I should have it readworthy by tonight. Ironic how a blog that just talks of one aspect of me has my name, rather than this one…Just to mention, the title is “Challenged for Words” Am I taking on too much? Maybe, but I cannot seem to ignore the lure of words.

What I do miss in this entire process are, moments of nothingness, the non-rushed conversations with my family…I miss having days that weren’t so rushed, so full of goals…

I am also not too happy about this forced hiatus from friends or people per se. (If you remember my doctor has told me to put a stop to socializing or interacting with too many people.) It limits my plan of doing something special each day, I want to write more, I want to make a short film, I want to skydive, bungee jump…empty my bucket list, damn I am going to live before I die!

Right now, I think I just need to find a balance… to breathe the change, to breathe while I write 😉 (a friend had said that to me..) and to make every breath count… Can’t say where I shall get with that…right now I am happy just living the change…

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2 thoughts on “A 100 days to a new me : Day 16 what was, what is and que sera sera

  1. Keep going forward. One note, if giving yourself scores gives you a sense of comfort or control please STOP READING NOW. lol

    Any change of attitude, behavior, or even thought that moves you towards your goal is a win. Don’t judge yourself. Be realistic. If you did the work you should see progress if you didn’t do the work you should not see progress and that makes sense so we move on and make progress the next time we have the chance. We are awesome, we can do this! No need to judge or score yourself. 🙂

    Like

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