Migraine is like a pregnancy, sans the joy of it( not that I have experienced it first hand :(). It has its own demands, its idiosyncrasies, food cravings… and a low carb, low sugar diet doesn’t exactly make the best companion to one. So as I gorged out of compulsion, rather than joy… no it is not an excuse… I wondered about the success of my weight loss venture. I started contemplating the possibility and the pros and cons of staying fat? Well I was born a ‘healthy’ child of nine and a half pounds if you must, and the ‘health’ has stayed a constant, faithful companion most of my life. However, as you all have figured by now, I am a little delusional; so I first decided to check my fat quotient and came up with a list of fat indicators, for all of us the tubby tummy club.
You have finally made it to this exclusive club if :
You attract extra attention irrespective of how you are looking.
You get clicked even though you are not a celebrity.
Everybody moves out of the way, to make room for you to pass.
The minute a sales girl finds out you are clothes shopping for yourself, she deserts you, Gucci bag and all…
You sort your shopping choices by size, color and style … in that order.
One look at you and the ice cream vendor adds an extra half scoop.
The food and beverage industry professionals don a cocky familiarity while serving you.
People avoid sitting next to you in planes or buses.
You hear an average of five sniggers every-day, when you are passing by.
“You’re looking nice”, is either in a surprised or a patronizing tone.
EVERYBODY gives you health advice.
Nobody remembers you by the name but …”err…you came the other day you were wearing a…”,or the not so tactful ones,“you are a little…um uh”…till you flippantly put in, “Yeah right…I am fat!”
You are always ‘so cute’.
Order a salad or a pizza, both are treated with equal amusement.
The waiter looks straight at you when he says, “Will that be all?” whoever may be the host.
If you have on more occasion than one, thought of starting a plus size people’s clothing line.
If you are thin and are gloating, hold that grin…. my comrades, my fat club buddies, chin up and smile… let’s now look at the upside of being fat and how we are unwittingly giving to the society:
Let’s admit it, we are cuddly and end up with the best hugs. Children don’t snuggle out of our hugs and prefer our cushioned laps to the bones and skin stranger.(Holds true for pets too)
You have a health food/ weight loss book inside of you. If there is a weight loss fad, you know it because someone less ‘needy’ than you, passed you that information. So after a few years of being fat, you know it all.
You and yours, rather we and ours fuel an entire industry. The weight loss industry was estimated at USD billion and growing, a couple of years ago. These are only US figures.It is all thanks to us!
We need lesser heaters, with our natural layers of insulation, and hence contribute to the environment by the virtue of lesser emissions.
Clothes shopping is easy, there are only a few sections of a few stores, which will stock a limited version of what fits you! Anyway, you don’t have to dress up, nobody expects you to look good!
No one picks an argument with you; while they may pretend to be intimidated, they are either too dumb founded to realize that fat people actually get angry or are too busy indulging the dim-wit in you.
You end up having a bigger personality than most, you HAVE to be wittier, more intelligent and truly exceptional at what you do because people tend to dismiss you as stupid, so to come to their level of ‘normal intelligence’, you have to run an extra mile, literally.
Success in a way comes easier, because with ten equally talented singers or dancers, let’s say, the fat one would be noticed. Also because it’s not expected of them…remember the Susan Boyel episode on UK’s got talent… I have immense respect for her talent… just referring to the surprise she garnered.
You get away with saying the most ridiculous of things (look at me), because no one expects you to say anything intelligent anyway!
You become immune to almost anything! With all those wise cracks and side cracks that you have been suffering your first extra pounds, most small irritants are like water off a duck’s back. Fat people at some point in their lives, become rhino skinned (pun unintended), and trust me it’s a great asset through life.
You DO get that extra something from the ice-cream vendor.
The Maitre d’ at the restaurant is more likely to offer you a table than your skinny competitor, after-all you are serious business!
You are kind of a landmark, …you mean the fat girl’s friend, the house next to the fat girl’s, you mean where that fat girl is sitting…
You can go loot a store and get away with it, all anyone shall notice is that you are fat!
So I am willing to embrace that fat-hood, if I cannot be a happy perfect body, I am going to be a happier layered one, and if I ever lose those layers, shall make sure my empathy and good humor does not go with it. I think we fatties are the happiest, nicest, most caring , people in the world! So a bear hug to all my fat friends. Live it up! Heads high! Butts out and with an unabashed, unapologetic attitude…we deserve it!
Thank you dearest Susan for singing like an angel… more so for proving a point!