A 100 days to a new me: Day 10, definitely a rose day.

The day started with a rose …literally. I dropped my  sweet angel to school and on the way back had to pick a flower for the spicy one.. she had to gift it to someone. (Incidentally I have two nieces, the elder one is ten and totally sweet; while the younger one is three and a half and another story…let’s just call her spicy by contrast.)

The florist chore was wonderfully unexpected. It’s like I wish for something and it’s there, I should just pause here… and say, “Wow!”. Just to let you know, I am a flower junkie, buy me flowers and you have an indelible place in my heart, I still remember ever bouquet, every posy, every flower I have been given ever… I even wake up at 6 on days, to go to the flower wholesale market and look!

Before it turns into a ‘I love flowers’ post, let me get back…

As I reached home, I was feverish and promptly went back to sleep. When I woke up finally, it was 11.23 am and I was unusually happy and relaxed. It was as if I was being given a demonstration on the benefits of a sound sleep. I am a convert, overnight …rather (over the morning)! Writing the blog is effortless, I breeze through it. Today is my day off from picking up the kids so I get some time to work.

Though breakfast was an egg-white omelet with veggies; lunch is a buttery vegetable mesh with a bun …I went light on both the butter and the quantity and followed it up with two glasses of hot water. (Well mad me feel better if nothing else).Dinner was steamed fish.

I rushed my sweet through her revision questions and gave her instructions on what to do, while I went off for my appointment with my therapist. The therapist is actually my psychiatrist’s (remember my ‘nut cracker’ from post 2) wife, but it is to be my first visit to her. I have seen her artistic expressions in and around their clinic but have never met her. She is not there as I go… I think some confusion over time, this is turning into a comedy of errors and I feel myself turning into a taut wire again…  five minutes later, she is there.

She has a wonderfully calm aura. I run her through my experiment, my violin string stage, my regret at not being able to pray enough …just then I neeeed to call my spiritual guide. I call him and say ‘nothing much’ he laughs at my antics and says nothing much, the emotion says it all …Thank you Babaji for loving me in spite of it all.

I am now a little at peace; the seemingly simple exercises are more powerful than they appear. They are a mix of visualization, breathing and yogic postures.

Completely refreshed I return with vigor to teach my little girlie. The nest is empty! The books are there, but the bird has flown. Seems it is her milk break …which ends up being as long as 6 drinks breaks in a cricket match. I get her back with much cajoling and after a short stint, she again rushes off for a change and eat dinner break .Seems I am not the only one for smelling the roses today!

I gently bring her back after dinner, dearest till your and my exams are over, it’s not yet time to go berserk in a rose bed …one or two doll …just for a while, one or two…

After I kiss her goodnight, hang around the net a little… it’s time to convey my thankfulness, as I sit down for my prayers. I get an absolutely wonderful proposal of everlasting love from someone who is more in love of the idea of me than me. I am in a dilemma, I know what it means to have your heart broken …I can’t do the same to someone who, so earnestly, believes in the word. He looks like a mix of Brad Pitt and Eric Bana and has dimples to top it all ,(am almost drooling as I say this and am not exaggerating in the least ) but I care too much to say “Yes!”. I can’t make a promise I can’t keep. Go with God, dear one, I hope you find the love you truly deserve…

Just as I am turning in my phone beeps there is an email from MM, he has reached and is doing well. The email is short and delightfully sweet …Thank you dear friend, …there is a lot I appreciate about you.

I sleep with a heavy heart …as I anticipate the pain, my better version of Brad Pitt must be going through …but, at times, you need to be harsh to be kind, at times a seeming act of brutality is an act of love…


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