A 100 days to a new me: Day 9, where did the roses go?

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(courtesy: http://comicbooth.com)

It becomes so difficult suddenly having no time for anyone when everybody can see you right there …doing nothing but just busy ‘on the internet’. When someone comes and asks you something important, you are supposed to drop everything and jump …after-all what work do you have? What about the thought that you were chasing? Well t’s just a thought… right? JUST A THOUGHT! DID YOU JUST SAY, JUST A THOUGHT?? It came from hours of staring at a stone…

(For those of you,who would like to know what I really mean…click on… http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/24/writing-challenge-object/ …scroll down, make a pit stop at Andrea’s post and all the way down to Lesley Howard’s comment…)

Anyway, as usual I am digressing. So my family thinks I have either gone mad or am falling sick! Their easy going, lazy girl is suddenly always  hyper-ventilating, more high-strung than a violin, forever in a whirl…all they  see her doing is hours in front of the computer or in the park in a ‘I can’t miss my walk’ mode.Yes the same girl who would curl up on and doze off on the sofa with walking shoes on BEFORE she went on a walk.

She said no to freshly toasted, butter-laden bread, favored an apple over mom’s home baked banana nut cake and hasn’t mentioned the word Biryani in over a week!

The change is good: I have a sense of purpose. I am almost a lot of things I wasn’t earlier …like not all T-s look like a stuffed potato sack  when I wear them, I don’t mumble for hours or make an apologetic face when people ask me what I am doing these days? Seems love is determined to enter my life and this time forever… (no not MM and no am not dating anyone …wouldn’t you know if I were?)

The change is bad: The women I was is constantly being replaced by this mechanical robot, who is forever trying to get something done. Life is becoming one continuous list of check marks. Walks are for thinking about writing, sunshine is about worrying where the birds are and haven’t heard one song today(one brownie point less for me) … , prayers are because I HAVE  to say today’s ( don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for the opportunity). Everything is the means to an end; the means has become a path rather than a journey. I am losing the joys of the passage in my hurry to reach the destination. I am not stopping to smell the roses…

The worst is, I am projecting it on to other people, like teaching my niece is becoming rushed, I am panicking wondering whether she would do well, and that panic is getting transmitted on to her. Not that I say anything to her, but children are natural empaths. Even the most boisterous child shall pick your slightest shift in character and this doll of mine is a quiet, sensitive artist. Don’t worry child I promise tomorrow shall be wonderfully different. It is my word to you my love…

So Day 9 was just that, a whirlwind day with me, the spinning top in the middle of a tornado. I woke late, got dressed, finished my edit and rushed to pick the brat (she is 3 n a half). All this, while I am talking to my writer friend about his novel. Come back to a lunch of God knows what… just remember it was something sensible though not noteworthy! I was hungry still, the bell rang and in came my life the mostly a most delicious place of goodies from next door (the neighbors who had a wedding?) Well that was it! I sinned some and a wee bit more than I should have and lots less than I could have!

Study time.. I rush my girl through a Chapter of her novel and give her a long test. I myself rush for the much needed visit to the therapist, only to realize, it is tomorrow.

Rush back home, as I am working on my blog, my sister in law comes in and we crib about this and that…It is strange how over the years, this wonderful person has grown into more of a sister.Thanks J… we are blessed to have you.

As the crib session continues, I continue to type away … still haven’t put up the blog. I get the blog up, sit down to check my niece’s answer sheet, have a rushed dinner of chicken… and back to the computer, still haven’t today’s edit deadline and chat. Somewhere in there, I squeeze in a walk and a few glasses of water. Around 11.30 pm, I finally sit down for my prayers, I cannot keep my eyes open through the first…

God go easy on me, just this once (more), while I, once again, learn to smell the roses, proverbial and real…

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13 thoughts on “A 100 days to a new me: Day 9, where did the roses go?

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