A 100 days to a new me : Day 8, on empathy and general cribbin’

The entire morning is spent chasing Vodafone’s absconding pug. He has run away and taken mom’s with him. In short, neither mom nor I have any signal and it is frustrating. It is crazy how addicted we have become to these smart-phones, we feel exposed, lost the minute they are not accessible; even though we are at home, with ten other modes of communication.

Not to digress, I was on the phone till 1pm just trying to get connected. I did try MM a couple of times for the final goodbye, on the third call, he told me he had just taken off .Flashback: My phone had a message when I woke up in the morning , the ensuing brief exchange from my land-line told me he was at the airport, trying to ‘escape’  yet again. 😉 Fly away home dear friend, I fare thee well…

While I went on with the motions of the day, two things MM had said, dominated my mind… 1. I was too sweet and maybe life would be easier I wasn’t so. 2. I remember telling him how I had known all the time we were talking that there was more to what he was saying… with selected people, I notice everything …he said stop emping on me. Hats off! for inventing the word …guys don’t look it up, all google returns is an Indonesian chips brands! Emping stands for empathizing but more aptly describes my ability to feel what you are feeling.

I remember this incident, I kinda knew someone, kinda not well…, however …I would start crying on topics he was sad about, feel his ‘feelings’, be it a sense of attachment, or disappointment, I drove myself into a tizzy imagining all sorts of things from past life connections to it was a soul-mate. When I mentioned the entire phenomenon to someone who was an empath/energy player, he told me I was an empath.

So a lot of the time, I project other people’s feeling thinking they are my own. Go out of the way to be nice, no it’s not an effort… I let people park on my emotional space. Seems my aura is permeable. It renders me incapable of being not nice; if I am, I fret over it for days.While I am thankful for this ability when it comes to family and friends; it disturbs me when people take advantage of it. There are people who would just say anything because you are not judgmental. Whether it falls into the criteria of politeness, decency, let alone social acceptability is not a consideration.

I would love to be there to listen but it does not mean I am in need of you, neither does it mean you can behave whatever you deem fit with me, cos I shall ‘understand. ’ The challenge is where do I draw the line? Whenever I ignore people, I feel I am being unkind and whenever I am kind, people feel I am weak. I need to find a way out before these 100 days are over.

Back to my day, while my entire afternoon is spent contemplating; my walk is the start of check marks on my must-do list. I teach my little girlie, a few nuances of my current Mistress, the English language; write my blog and as I do that get dressed to my advantage. Mistress to one and slave to another, I type away as my maid combs my hair helps me with my complicated stringed heels. Five minutes with the magic make-up brush, borrowed diamonds …I am ready to go.The wedding looks spectacular, as does my companion, my gorgeous mother …for once I feel as beautiful as anybody. I glitter and glow… the first week, it seems of rebranding it seems, is showing results.

Dinner is a delightful bowl full of salad greens with a dash of vinaigrette; lots of stir-fried Chinese greens and steamed fish… delicious and within rules.

I come back, by the time I finish editing  and say my prayers, it was 3am!! Seems following all the rules all the time is proving self-defeating…

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