I woke up, started writing and around 10 something called up MM from my landline, to say goodbye!
He sounded drowsy and told me how he had sent me multiple messages last night, tried different permutations and combinations when I responded to nothing, sent me an email early morning, as he could not sleep. Well if Airtel had been a bad service provider, Vodafone’s entry was proving ominous. Anyway I managed to get my new sim in and Vodafone’s loyal pug entered my life, so did a strong strong signal.
I referred to the email, it was beautifully written, thanked me for the piece and also told me, he emotionally felt like a robot in comparision.
The day was eventful, in a sense, I got to follow all the rules. One more challenge has come my way, I have to prepare my niece for her finals, so that means I have to stretch myself out by another two hours.
I have tried to introduce some carbs and half a glass of milk into my diet but I feel it makes me feel less light. Also, because of so much activity in my life, I have no time to breathe and my writing (the piece of fiction I am working one, I mean the very short stories), has taken a back-seat! Also(…yes another also!), I have another job of sorts, I have a commissioned job to do interviews for a Newsletter …I mean it’s official now, I have the work order.
Seems intent is important and I thank each one of you, who reads and lives this intent with me, day after day.
At around 4pm I called up M to say Goodbye, we spoke about whatever we had to, sort of closed the loop. He did once again say he was at an emotional lull. I did not say much except I understand, but I would like to address the issue in an open letter to him…
Thank you for two very pleasant evenings. They also exposed to me of how wonderful a comfortable evening of simply sitting together, talking openly without the care that you were being judged, having Pizza and Coke could be. It made me realize what I was missing in life, it also made me realize that I could probably never ever have this simple pleasure; which unfortunately could not be bought.
There is nothing more I want than being able to love, than being able to snuggle up to someone on a cold winter morning. However I am incapable of snuggling, till I know I could do the same for the length of my life. I am incapable of looking into someone’s eyes and saying I love you, till I know I shall want and be able to do so, for every single day of my life. The process is self-defeating, but I am unable to change myself.
So your feeling like an emotional robot, does not require an apology as I am fairly robotic myself by circumstance if not by choice.
And as the two of us, stand at two different ends of the spectrum, it is adieu. No regrets, just like you, I too am glad we met.
It seems, his flight was delayed and we talked a lot …I think I have a chronicle of what all went on with the airlines passengers that day, what all coffees are served at the airport and also about this wonderful fennel-seed and orange rind chocolate that is available, it seems, only at the airport …n says, “ From India with Love.” We speak just as he rushes to the gate, seems he is last in line, we say goodbye once again.
Two hours later I get a call… seems the flight was cancelled and they are being taken to a hotel! So sleep well friend, enjoy another day on the Indian soil… n goodbye in case we don’t speak again!
I get back to editing as I chat with this dear friend, doze of thrice during my prayers, wake up and make sure I finish them.
Lets see what tomorrow brings, for now it’s deep slumber …