Today, I attempt to write one of my most difficult pieces ever. Difficult because for once I am lost, clueless …has the first setback already come? How do I pick up the pieces? Should I even pick up the pieces or just leave them there …so that there is no whole to shatter.
Day 4 is a day of following ALL rules and spending time with kids. It is also a day of introspection and learning.
I learnt the first rule of being a writer, after months of trying to be one – write daily, I have heard everybody say it, read it but 5 days of putting it in practice makes me realize the merits of the practice. I graduate from the ‘knowers’ to the ‘believers’.
Also I realize I need to make a schedule, a time chart and let everybody know my ‘non availability’. Everyone needs to realize that working from home people are WORKING from home. You need to be your own HR, treat your work-space with respect and make sure everybody else does too… your work time and your work space.
Till I do that, my I feel I am constantly in a tizzy, trying to create check marks on my list. The blog is ruling me; no one said living in a glass house was going to be easy!
Yes! It is the day of the follow-up date! It is also a day where I have to be the baby-sitter, catch up on the writing, not to say follow the rules.
So sunshine is clubbed with praying and picking the girls, the walk is across the malls, I don’t have anything to wear!
Three malls and all I have to show for it is a lipstick! Well I have something new to wear ;)! Also, I am rushed but the water and no carb diet is showing results, my skin looks healthy! So I am just going as I am. For once, the beauty business industry does not stand to gain from my insecurity!
Mom gives a “one glance OK!”, she does not comment on my heels this time , thankfully! The girls give me a 9/10 on appearance, so guess I am fine!
The minute I meet MM …let’s just call him that for now; I am in for a shock! His friends have a party, and we are going. This is panic time! I am not dressed for a party; I am dressed for a comfortable happy semi-casual evening! Atleast I am not wearing my pink bumble-bee shoes! (They are converses painted with a pink base, flowers and bumble bees! N I think they are the cat’s whiskers).
More so, doesn’t meeting friends say for something?
It turns out we are at the house of someone most of us recognize, and there are two other couples there; all of whom MM is really at home with. These are some of the warmest people I have met in a long long time… each one of them makes me feel truly welcome. Thank you guys! A drink and about an hour later, we mutter our excuses. As we are leaving, I am told to ‘grab’ MM as he is the best ! That was one uneasy moment!
He asks me where I want to go, I say “Home!”, which is where he promptly takes me …only HIS!! Incidentally this amazingly beautiful house belongs to the same friends who were the hosts, and he is staying there for the length of his visit.
It’s a wonderful evening of Pizza (Yes! I sinned), romantic surroundings, holding hands, music, insightful conversation, and a lot of questions that hung in the air! It’s strange how one is so utterly comfortable talking, asking everything but the most pertinent questions.
Mine was …he is leaving for NY the next day, is this the last I am seeing of him. Is it just that, a date? If yes, it does not fall into my scheme of things… He asked me some too …How could I answer them completely till he tells me, where we are headed?
The drive back was full of riddles, the questions were simple, the answers straight …why did I feel there was more to what was asked or answered, just as at his place?
After the utterly sweet goodbye, as I entered my room, tears began to fall. Why? …I don’t know. …Was it because the evening was so beautiful? Was it because I may not see him again? Or was it because I just did not know what to do in a situation like this …Was I closing the doors to love cos I could not go through the process of finding out if it was the real thing or forever …because I could not afford to love and lose anymore!
If I fall in love it has to be forever …did I just say the word? Tomorrow’s sunshine shall bring in sanity …for now, it was a date, albeit a beautiful one!